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Say 'No' to your Ex
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by: Jamie
Entwistle
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Oftentimes
people from previous relationships tend to overstep their boundaries.
They assume that just because there was once a romantic bond between
the two of you that they can continue to call upon you long after the
relationship is over. There’s nothing wrong with remaining friends
after the demise of a romantic relationship; in fact, it is wonderful
if you can remain friends. There’s also nothing wrong with doing a
friend a favor. But being taken advantage of by an ex-spouse or lover
is another matter entirely.
When children have been produced
through such a previous union it may be even more difficult to refuse
requests made by an ex. What needs to be remembered is that if you have
children through a previous relationship, your obligation is to the
children not the ex-spouse. Once we dissolve a relationship and become
involved in another relationship, it is not up to you to be at the
disposal of the ex-partner every time a pipe bursts. You are not the
plumber, the automotive mechanic, the counselor or any other type of
problem solver.
Staying in touch, remaining friends and doing an
occasional favor is much different than allowing yourself to be used as
a convenience for another. Know when to draw the line. When you and
your ex-partner chose to go separate ways you also chose to relinquish
any demands on that partner other than those that support the needs of
any children the two of you may have brought into the world. If you
tend to jump every time your ex snaps his or her fingers, you may want
to examine your own feelings.
Ask yourself why you react the way
you do. Are you still in love with this person? Do you feel obligated
to your ex because of your children? Are there any other reasons why
you should still feel obligated to this individual? If you are
currently involved in a new relationship, being overly attentive to a
former partner may cause problems between you and your new significant
other. Keep the friendship in the present but leave the relationship to
the past.
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